Bewildered

“Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard… Take me back to the start.” -The Scientist, Coldplay

I’m lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. I wonder where you are right now. I wonder, what’s new about you, what keeps you busy. I wonder if you still think of me. I wonder if you still have feelings for me and wonder if I still feel something for you.

You don’t seem to look like a ceiling but there’s on that blank space that pulled me back to that one fairytale summer love we almost had. You captured my thoughts today and suddenly I felt a surge of nostalgia. You’re not supposed to be on my mind and I’m not supposed to be smiling anymore, but I couldn’t help it. Honestly, I’m already over you, but something inside keeps on telling me that I’m really not.

Is it normal to feel something you don’t know? I feel like I miss you but I don’t. My mind forgot about you, but my heart still remember. I still remember every single detail. I remember how we laughed our problems out. I remember how carefree you were. I remember you used to sang me songs and make fun of your own voice. I remember you teased me by showering me with too many i love you’s because you know I’m not an I love you person. I remember you told me you have fallen in love with someone and I remember I almost fell off the chair when you told me it was me. I remember how you made the dragons in my stomach flutter when you tell me things a girl wants to hear from a guy she likes. I remember every smiles of everyday that summer had. I remember how happy we were. I remember us.

Sometimes I want to talk to you but I don’t want to. I don’t know, maybe I’m just afraid I’ll fall in love with you again and make the same mistake again because I’m aware that you’re the only person who could break the walls I built. But I think, if you’ll try again, I will cooperate. If you’ll ask, I’ll say yes. I’m sure of that but just a little unsure.

Maybe I’m confused or maybe not. Maybe it’s just me and my fickle mind, or maybe I really miss you. Maybe I want you back. Maybe I’m just waiting for you to feel something for me again. Maybe I haven’t really moved on. Maybe I forgot about you but the feelings, all these feelings, are still here in my heart, waiting for you to wake them up. It never really left me. Maybe I’m still into you and maybe I’m not meant to move on because it’s the one thing that the universe or the stars, milky way, black hole or the entire solar system want and they will conspire for us to meet and fall in love again.

I don’t know, really. Maybe it’s the stars’ fault or the universe’ or the rain. Or maybe, just maybe, we are each other’s lost soulmate.

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Sulat Para Kay Popoy

Inaamin ko na ipinagdasal ko sa Diyos na sana maka-move on ka na. Ayoko kasing nahihirapan ka. Kahit nakamove-on na ako, inaalala pa rin kita kung okay ka na ba. Siguro nasasaktan ka ng sobra ngayon. Sorry ha? Ito lang kasi ang tanging alam kong gawin para makalimutan mo na ako. Hindi na kita kinakausap, hindi ko sinasagot mga tawag mo. Naka-screened message ka nga eh so I can get rid of your messages. Tinatarayan kita, itinulak na parang hindi kita minahal. Nilait pa nga kita para magalit ka at hindi mo na ako mahalin. I shut you out like I never gave five years of my life to you. In short, hinayaan lang kita. Iniwan kitang nasasaktan at gulong gulo. Iniwan kita sa ere. Binitiwan ko ang limang taon nating relasyon na sabay nating ipinaglaban ng ganoon ganoon na lang.

Hindi ko na kasi kaya Poy eh. Ayokong maging unfair sayo kasi wala kang idea na habang tumatagal ay lalo lang nawawala ang pagmamahal ko sayo. Five years Poy, five years ng buhay ko ang ibinigay sayo. At sa five years na iyon dumating ako sa point na hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko. Hindi ko na magawa ang mga dati kong ginagawa dahil binago mo ako. I miss my old self Poy. I miss who I was. Gusto kong ako naman ngayon ang pagbigyan mo. Ibalato mo na sa akin ‘to Poy.

Noong pumayag ka sa gusto ko. Well, technically hindi ka talaga pumayag pero at least nasabi ko na sayo ang nararamdaman ko. Ang sarap ng feeling ng malaya, Poy. Iyong nakakahinga ka ng maluwag. Iyong para kang ibon na lumilipad. Hay nakatakas na ako sayo. Masaya pala na wala ka na sa buhay ko. Hindi na ako nai-stress, walang inaabangang tawag, nakakanood pa ako ng movies ng walang umiistorbo, walang nang-aaway sa akin, wala ng naghihigpit kapag may lakad ako o kung ano man ang suotin ko. Wala ng responsabilidad. Kay tagal ding umikot ang mundo ko sayo, Poy.

Hindi ka na nagtetext, hindi ka na tumatawag at nagpapakita. Hindi ako sanay, Poy. Naka-move on ka na ba? Hindi mo na ba ako mahal? Ang gulo ko ‘no? Kahit ako di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Namimiss ko kasi yung makulit na boyfriend ko. Yung nangungulit kapag may ginagawa ako, yung taong kausap ko gabi-gabi tuwing alas nuwebe, yung taong pinapalakas lagi ang loob ko tuwing pinanghihinaan na ako ng loob, yung taong kahit kailan ay hindi nag-give up sa akin.. Namiss ko bigla ang mga ngiti mo at ang tawa na gustong gusto ko. 

Namiss ko yung kamay mo na hawak hawak kamay ko kahit pasmado. Mga kamay na laging magkahawak kahit saan pumunta.. Kamay na hindi ako binitiwan.

Nasaan ka na kaya? Pag namimiss kita iniisip ko na siguro namimiss mo din ako, pero parang malabo. Ako ata ang nanakit sayo. Ako ata ang nang-iwan tapos mamimiss mo pa? How pathetic of me for thinking that you still miss me. Na ako pa rin ang laman ng puso mo, na ako pa rin ang hinahanap hanap mo.

Okay ka na kaya? Kasi ako hindi pa. Akala ko dati hindi na kita mahal. Akala ko kaya ko ng wala ka pero hindi pala. Poy mahal pa pala kita. Oo nagpray ako kay Lord na tulungan ka niyang mag-move on pero gusto ko ng bawiin yun ngayon. Huli na ba ang lahat, Poy? Ayaw kong mag move-on ka kasi masasaktan ako, nasasaktan ako Poy! Masakit isipin na hindi mo na ako mahal. Masakit kasi pag nakamove-on ka na ibig sabihin nakalimutan mo ng minahal mo ako ng sobra.

Kung babalik ba ako, matatanggap mo pa ako? Malamang hindi na. Nasaktan kita ng sobra. Ilang buwan kang iyak ng iyak, nagpakalunod sa alak, ilang sugat sa kamao mo ang tiniis mo sa kakasuntok sa pader hanggang sa makalimot, tapos bigla na lang ako babalik? Ang kapal ng mukha ko kung hihingi pa ako ng isa pang pagkakataon sa iyo kasi itinapon kita na parang isang basahan. Maiintindihan ko kung hindi mo na ako balikan. Ayaw mo lang masaktan ulit..

Nakakatawa, life is so ironic talaga, naalala ko noon bigla na lang ako nagalit noong napatingin ka lang sa legs nung babae. Selosa nga ako. Tapos sabi ko na umunat, kumulot, humaba at umiksi man ang buhok ko tayong dalawa pa rin. Tapos sabi ko pa noon na forever na ‘to, na walang mang-iiwan kung hindi mag-fa-fine ng one million. Ako ang nangako Poy pero ang laki kong tanga dahil ako pa pala ang bibitaw.

Kung nasaan ka man ngayon o kung sino man siya na kasama mo, alam ko na masaya ka na. Siyempre siya ang sumagip sayo noong mga panahong talo ka. Siya ang sumalo sayo noong binitiwan kita. Siya na ang babaeng magtutuloy ng mga ipinangako ko sayo. Siya na ang babaeng makakasama mong mangarap, ang babaeng makakasama mo thru thick and thin, ang babaeng hinding hindi ka iiwan ano man ang mangyari. Siya na ang babaeng may karapatan sayo. Siya na ang babaeng papalit sa puwesto ko sa puso mo.

I’m sorry. Dapat matagal ko na ‘tong nasabi sayo. Sorry kung nasaktan kita ng sobra sobra. Sorry kung pinaiyak kita gabi-gabi. Sorry kung hindi kita naalagaan sa mga panahong maysakit ka. Sorry sa mga gabing minumura kita kapag galit ako. Sorry sa mga pagkakataong nagsinungaling ako para sa sarili ko. Sorry kung bigla lang kitang iniwan dahil sa napapagod na ako at sana naisip ko din na matagal ka ng pagod sa ugali ko pero hindi mo pinili ang iwan ako. Sorry naging mahina ako, Poy. Sorry if I was stubborn. Sorry if you weren’t my priority. Sorry for everything. Hindi ko inaasahan na patatawarin mo ko agad pero sana dumating ang araw na yun at kapag dumating ang araw na iyon sana okay na tayo pareho.

Pero alam mo Poy, umaasa pa rin ako na kapag dumating ang araw na iyon, sabihin mo sa akin na ako pa rin. Ang sama sama kong tao dahil ayokong maging masaya ka sa iba dahil feeling ko akin ka lang. Poy, masama ba kung sabihin ko sayo na sana ako na lang? Ako na lang ulit..

Nagmamahal pa rin,

Basha

HAPPY KIDS’ CHRISTMAS

♫♪ Let’s sing Merry Christmas and a happy Holiday, the season may we never forget the love we have for Jesus. Let him be the one to guide us as another new year starts and may the spirit of Christmas be always in our hearts ♪♫

 

Napangiti ako nang narinig ko ang kantang ito sa mga bata kanina. Ito kasi ang pambansang kanta ng PIlipinas tuwing magpapasko kasi paborito ito ng mga bata tuwing mangangaroling. Aaminin kong ito rin ang kantang kinakanta ko nang paulit-ulit noong bata pa ako. Hehe.

Actually I had a very colorful Christmas when I was a kid.

Akala niyo ba hindi uso ang pangangaroling sa akin? Nagkakamali kayo. Sa sobrang lakas ng loob ko kahit hindi naman tumutugma ang boses ko sa instrumento nangaroling pa rin ako! Kasama ko ang tatlo kong kapatid at mga kaibigan. Ang kadalasang ginagamit kong pang-tugtog eh yung walang laman na lata ng Nido! Yun ang drums ko! Hehe! Minsan naman nagpapapitpit ako kay Tatay ng serbesa at olala! Instant tambourine na! Pagkatapos ng caroling period paghahati hatian namin ang benta at iipunin pandagdag sa pambili ng bagong laruan. ^___^

Tapos kapag may regalo si Mama para sa mga inaanak niya, hindi pa man nagpapasko wala na ang mga ito. Siyempre nasa amin na. Haha! Nagmamakaawa kami palagi na sa amin na lang, huwag na lang ibigay sa mga Ate at Kuya namin na inaanak niya. Siyempre bilang Nanay hindi siya nakatiis binigay na lang sa amin. Haha! Kapag malapit na ang pasko nag shoshopping kami sa Novo. Oo sa Novo, isang cheap department store pero para sa akin sosyal na yun. Bata kasi kaya wala akong pakialam kung magarang department store o hindi, basta ang mahalaga may bago kaming damit sa pasko!!! ^__^

Meron nga akong ninang isang beses niregaluhan ako ng sando na may print na anime. Kulay puti yun tapos Dragon Ball Z ata ang drawing nun eh. Tuwang tuwa kaya ako sa damit na yun kaya yun ang isinuot ko habang namamasko. Ang siste! Hindi ko naman alam na pang-lalake yun!

Tradisyon na naming magkakapatid ang magsabit ng medjas sa Christmas tree. One time nagsabit kami ng MARAMING MARAMING MARAMING MARAMING as in MARAMING medjas sa Christmas tree to the point na natatakpan na ang decors at lights niya. Tapos hinihintay namin si Santa Claus hanggang sa alas onse na nang gabi hindi pa rin siya dumadating. Inaantok na kami wala pa ring Santang nagpakita kahit man lang balbas niya.

Lumapit sa amin si Mama, sabi niya “Mga anak, go to sleep na. Hindi nagpapakita si Santa sa mga tao.” Eh syempre mga bata kaya nauto. Natulog na kami..

Kinabukasan excited kaming pumunta sa Christmas tree only to find out na apat na medjas lang ang may lamang mga kendi at limang pisong papel bilang apat lang naman kaming magkakapatid. Hahaha! “Amazing! Alam ni Santa kung ilan tayong magkakapatid” Sabi ko.

Minsan pa nga ang ingay sa labas ng bahay. Paano naman kasi dumating si Santa namimigay ng regalo. Napaisip tuloy ako kung meron ba kami, maya-maya pumasok siya sa bahay kasama ang mga elves niya. Namilog ang mga mata namin kasi binigyan niya kami ng regalo. Isang bonggang kitchen set na may pushcart tapos telephone toy! Ang nakakatuwa pa dun, ito yung mga bagay na pinepray namin kay Lord gabi-gabi. Hihi! Ang hindi namin alam pinapakinggan pala nina Mama at Tatay ang mga prayers namin tapos bumili sila ng toys at iniabot ang mga yun kay ‘Santa Claus’. Very clever!

Every Christmas Eve, isa isa kaming nagpeperform na magkakapatid sa harap nina Mama at Tatay, may kakanta, may sasayaw at syempre ang talent ko madalas LIP SYNC! Hahaha! Pero wala eh kahit anong effort namin, si bunso pa din ang may pinakamalaking premyo. Kami tig-bebente lang pero siya isang daan kahit wala namang ginawa! Unper!

Namimiss ko tuloy si Tatay, si Mama, si Adjie, si Yayang, si Ebet, pero siyempre nadagdagan kami ng isa pa si Baby Jumong!!! Ngayon kasi matatanda na kami, may kanya kanya ng buhay at pinagkaka-abalahan pero sana maulit muli ang mga masasayang alaala na meron ako noong bata pa ako.. Ang saya kasi. Hindi man kami katulad ng ibang pamilya na may magarbong handaan, kami naman ang pamilyang sama-sama at tunay na masaya. Simple, but overwhelming..

ADVANCE MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! ^_^

DEADRINGER FOR NINA DOBREV

Deadringer (n)

– A person who is almost identical to another.

Have you ever saw someone who really looks exactly like your friend? Or a friend who looks like the celebrity that you are following on Twitter. Weird right? And at the same time amazing. It’s amazing because two persons who are not related to each other do look like each other. Well not exactly the same, but some face value and angles are prominent.

I have already seen people who are almost identical to each other. Some of my friends are. :)) For this past few weeks that I’ve been watching Vampire Diaries every night, ( I sleep very very late at night because of this) I notice that Nina Dobrev is really identical with our very own Angelica Panganiban, a Filipino actress. Funny, she is a doppleganger in the said series, but in reality she is a deadringer for Angelica. Angelica is just a voluptuous version of her.

Nina Dobrev (top) Angelica Panganiban (below)

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Proud Daughter

MY MOTHER IS SO SELFLESS. :))

She traded everything for us from eyeliner for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long baths for quick showers, a pair of bikini for a baby dress, a new sandals for a cute baby shoes, an extravagant birthday celebration for our baby shower, a sexy smooth skin for a sagging skin, to designer bags for diaper bags.

She cooks and feeds us, lays her life for us, swallows her pride for us; washed even our stained undies, ironed and prepared our uniform, taught us our lessons, helped us with our homework, bought us bolsters for a hugging buddy at night, prepares the mosquito net to protect us from that freakin insect, taught us basic household chores and taught us to pray.

SHE DOES EVERYTHING FOR US. Everything for us..

She is also beyond scary like a tigress. She may be possessive at times, and that is because she only wants to protect us from any danger. That’s what a mother does, right? Whether it is a cat, chicken, eagle, ostrich, dog or human; a mother will always have a maternal instinct. Mothers can’t take seeing their masterpiece hurting nor crying. So please understand why they are pesky sometimes.

Trust me, it’s for your own good. Not just today, but soon you will see.

Remember that mothers know best.

She’s tough as tigress; yet tame as cat. She may spank us with a broom, but I know she is hurting. I just know because I came from her womb. She may tell us to go away, but I know deep inside she wants us to care for her. She may be strong, but deep in her heart she wants to cry.

And now that we have grown up, I can see those wrinkled hands, but I’m not disgusted because those are the hands of the woman who took care of us when we didn’t know how to walk, eat, talk, read and write. I also the see the stretchmarks around her waist, again I’m not disgusted because those are the marks of the pain she went through when she gave birth to us. The marks that brought us to the world. The marks that brought us to where we are right now. I can also see those black strands of hair that gradually fading to gray and I’m not disgusted either, because those hair are reminders that she has done a mixture of good and bad things in her life and that she doesn’t want us to experience any struggle that she had gone through.

Our mother is still alive and fuck yeah she’s still kicking! :)) She is better than the best Mom ever included in the Guinness Book of World Records, if there is any.  If there’s none, I believe my mom should be in the book. She rocks! \m/

And now for everybody to ponder; while we still have the woman who brought us to the world, biological or adoptive, we have to let them feel that taking care of us for a period of years is a precious thing they have ever done. Let’s not talk back and curse our mother. Remember you wouldn’t be here without her. Let us make them feel that every day is a Mother’s Day! Study hard, then find a decent job after and treat her on your first salary. Treat her with anything. A dimsum noodles, a Star City ride, a cheap dress, or a cup of Starbucks coffee. Anything as long as it’s from you.

And don’t forget to be thankful. Thank her for the sleepless nights, for the glamour and dreams that she set aside; and for the long baths she forget to take.

Thank God for giving you a Guardian Angel, your mom. :))

Love On Top Parody

Hi guys! Been playing with my camera last Friday and thought of capturing another video for my Love On Top Parody by Beyonce Knowles.

There are a lot of hassles in this video, a child playing my ear, clothes hanging on the backdrop and oops! my camera sort of fell. Haha! Please please take time to watch and you’ll enjoy. ^_^