Bewildered

“Nobody said it was easy. It’s such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard… Take me back to the start.” -The Scientist, Coldplay

I’m lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. I wonder where you are right now. I wonder, what’s new about you, what keeps you busy. I wonder if you still think of me. I wonder if you still have feelings for me and wonder if I still feel something for you.

You don’t seem to look like a ceiling but there’s on that blank space that pulled me back to that one fairytale summer love we almost had. You captured my thoughts today and suddenly I felt a surge of nostalgia. You’re not supposed to be on my mind and I’m not supposed to be smiling anymore, but I couldn’t help it. Honestly, I’m already over you, but something inside keeps on telling me that I’m really not.

Is it normal to feel something you don’t know? I feel like I miss you but I don’t. My mind forgot about you, but my heart still remember. I still remember every single detail. I remember how we laughed our problems out. I remember how carefree you were. I remember you used to sang me songs and make fun of your own voice. I remember you teased me by showering me with too many i love you’s because you know I’m not an I love you person. I remember you told me you have fallen in love with someone and I remember I almost fell off the chair when you told me it was me. I remember how you made the dragons in my stomach flutter when you tell me things a girl wants to hear from a guy she likes. I remember every smiles of everyday that summer had. I remember how happy we were. I remember us.

Sometimes I want to talk to you but I don’t want to. I don’t know, maybe I’m just afraid I’ll fall in love with you again and make the same mistake again because I’m aware that you’re the only person who could break the walls I built. But I think, if you’ll try again, I will cooperate. If you’ll ask, I’ll say yes. I’m sure of that but just a little unsure.

Maybe I’m confused or maybe not. Maybe it’s just me and my fickle mind, or maybe I really miss you. Maybe I want you back. Maybe I’m just waiting for you to feel something for me again. Maybe I haven’t really moved on. Maybe I forgot about you but the feelings, all these feelings, are still here in my heart, waiting for you to wake them up. It never really left me. Maybe I’m still into you and maybe I’m not meant to move on because it’s the one thing that the universe or the stars, milky way, black hole or the entire solar system want and they will conspire for us to meet and fall in love again.

I don’t know, really. Maybe it’s the stars’ fault or the universe’ or the rain. Or maybe, just maybe, we are each other’s lost soulmate.

Proud Daughter

MY MOTHER IS SO SELFLESS. :))

She traded everything for us from eyeliner for dark circles, salon haircuts for ponytails, long baths for quick showers, a pair of bikini for a baby dress, a new sandals for a cute baby shoes, an extravagant birthday celebration for our baby shower, a sexy smooth skin for a sagging skin, to designer bags for diaper bags.

She cooks and feeds us, lays her life for us, swallows her pride for us; washed even our stained undies, ironed and prepared our uniform, taught us our lessons, helped us with our homework, bought us bolsters for a hugging buddy at night, prepares the mosquito net to protect us from that freakin insect, taught us basic household chores and taught us to pray.

SHE DOES EVERYTHING FOR US. Everything for us..

She is also beyond scary like a tigress. She may be possessive at times, and that is because she only wants to protect us from any danger. That’s what a mother does, right? Whether it is a cat, chicken, eagle, ostrich, dog or human; a mother will always have a maternal instinct. Mothers can’t take seeing their masterpiece hurting nor crying. So please understand why they are pesky sometimes.

Trust me, it’s for your own good. Not just today, but soon you will see.

Remember that mothers know best.

She’s tough as tigress; yet tame as cat. She may spank us with a broom, but I know she is hurting. I just know because I came from her womb. She may tell us to go away, but I know deep inside she wants us to care for her. She may be strong, but deep in her heart she wants to cry.

And now that we have grown up, I can see those wrinkled hands, but I’m not disgusted because those are the hands of the woman who took care of us when we didn’t know how to walk, eat, talk, read and write. I also the see the stretchmarks around her waist, again I’m not disgusted because those are the marks of the pain she went through when she gave birth to us. The marks that brought us to the world. The marks that brought us to where we are right now. I can also see those black strands of hair that gradually fading to gray and I’m not disgusted either, because those hair are reminders that she has done a mixture of good and bad things in her life and that she doesn’t want us to experience any struggle that she had gone through.

Our mother is still alive and fuck yeah she’s still kicking! :)) She is better than the best Mom ever included in the Guinness Book of World Records, if there is any.  If there’s none, I believe my mom should be in the book. She rocks! \m/

And now for everybody to ponder; while we still have the woman who brought us to the world, biological or adoptive, we have to let them feel that taking care of us for a period of years is a precious thing they have ever done. Let’s not talk back and curse our mother. Remember you wouldn’t be here without her. Let us make them feel that every day is a Mother’s Day! Study hard, then find a decent job after and treat her on your first salary. Treat her with anything. A dimsum noodles, a Star City ride, a cheap dress, or a cup of Starbucks coffee. Anything as long as it’s from you.

And don’t forget to be thankful. Thank her for the sleepless nights, for the glamour and dreams that she set aside; and for the long baths she forget to take.

Thank God for giving you a Guardian Angel, your mom. :))

Love On Top Parody

Hi guys! Been playing with my camera last Friday and thought of capturing another video for my Love On Top Parody by Beyonce Knowles.

There are a lot of hassles in this video, a child playing my ear, clothes hanging on the backdrop and oops! my camera sort of fell. Haha! Please please take time to watch and you’ll enjoy. ^_^

Kupas Na Pag-ibig

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”Happy monthsary”

 

Ito yung mga salitang namimiss mo mula sa taong minsan naging iyo. 

Dati rati, ang araw na yun ay napaka-espesyal para sa inyong dalawa kasi ito yung celebration ng pagiging magkasintahan niyo. Palagi kang excited buwan buwan at naghahanda para sa pagdating ng araw na ito. Pero nung wala na kayo parang natatakot ka ng dumating ang araw na ito kasi maaalala mo lang ang mga bagay na dating nakapagpasaya sayo. Maaalala mo lang ang mga ngiti mo kapag kasama siya. Maaalala mo na ganun katindi ang pagmamahalan niyo na hindi niya kayang ipaglaban. Kung pwede lang wala ang petsa na yun para hindi ka masaktan pero hindi eh, kelangan mong harapin na ang dating espesyal na araw na yun ay isang ordinaryong araw na lang para sa kanya. Na ang dating masasayang alaala ay napalitan na ng masasakit na mga alaala, ang dating mga ngiti ay naglaho na at ang dating pag-ibig niya ay kupas na.

 

The Dilemma of Having a Unique Name

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While Filipino parents are fond of giving their children a commonly used names like Tintin, Nonoy, Boy or Baby, there was a mother in a small town of Gandara who named her daughter a peculiar name, Knikon.

Yup, that’s me. It’s peculiar because a lot of people are asking me if it’s really my name and they find it hard to spell and pronounce. It pronounces as Nikon. ^_^ Most of the time they mishear it as Nicole and spell it like those of appliance brand and slippers. Great Mom!

I don’t know if they are deaf or heard it right but just preoccupied with the common name Nicole. Just like in Starbucks

Cashier: Maam what’s the name?

Me: Knikon

Cashier: What Maam, Nicole?

Me: No, it’s Knikon

Cashier: Nicole?

Me: (Irritated) Oh my God, yeah right it’s Nicole.

Another encounter was when the cashier in one of the stores that I went, had hard time spelling my name so I volunteered to write my name on the official receipt.

And this is the funniest encounter that I ever experienced about my name. One time I sent a request in a FM Radio Station and the DJ read my name as ‘KINIKON’ instead of ‘NIKON’! Imagine, she said my name wrongly ON AIR. Funny ayt?

And now when someone asks my name I tell them that my name is Nicole. They always thought and misheard it as my real name so might as well use it. I always have a lot of explaining to do like how my name spells so to avoid this hassle I just go with the flow, and embrace Nicole as my second name.

Honestly it’s not so annoying, instead I take it hilariously. Nicole is not a bad name, if I were to be born by my mom again I would love to be named Nicole. Nicole or Knikon I’m still me. It’s just the name that’s confusing, but my personality will always be the same as what and who I am today.

Us, Girls!

 

We, girls, tend to make fuzz out of simple things. We take it as a big deal. We over analyze things. We nag, laugh out loud like a lunatic. We mess our boyfriend’s hair that he just fix for half an hour. Shout at him when we have PMS. We talk a lot like there is no tomorrow. We have mood swings. Fickle minded most of the time, we cry over a heartbreaking scene from a movie. We are a self-confessed drama queens,

 

but when we love someone we give everything to him. We are open of risking our heart to someone knowing that he might just break it.

 

We are always at his side when he needs someone. We never leave when the world leaves him. We still treat him like a king even if everybody throws a trash on him. He is still our Superman even if everybody thinks he’s weak. We listen to what his heart wants to say when nobody wants to listen to him. We can be equally goofy and romantic just to see him smile.

 

Girls are special. 

 

We are both annoying and sweet, because we are made that way. We reciprocate what guys give us or even more, so if he breaks a girl’s heart he should expect a fuckin’ pain that he deserves. 

Mara Clara

Mara Clara was the longest soap opera ever aired on the Philippine TV. It’s about two babies were switched at birth in the nursery when they were born. Mara was the good one and Clara was the villain in the series.

 

The series is pure fiction. But, do you think it can happen in a real world? I think so. I mean being switched was impossible, but having a Mara and Clara identity is possible. I believe that each one of us has a Mara Clara personality.

 

The Mara in me.

I was a cry baby when I was a kid. My classmates in elementary used to call me nasty names just because I don’t let them copy my test papers. I don’t like cheaters. At the end of the class they always bully me so I ended up crying while going home. They were really bad. It always happen.

One more thing, I ran for the school’s President and unfortunately I was bested by a lowly creature who just won because she promised the students to treat each of them with a hamburger. My heart was broken because I had all the good intentions for the school even at young age. I cried a lot. I was defeated just like that.

I had an ex-boyfriend for almost two years who used to hurt my pride and ego. He was insensitive, sadist, and a chauvinist pig. He always hurt my feelings and even hurt me physically. I lost my self-esteem and confidence the entire relationship, until one day I realized that I was losing myself too. So I learned to fight and I broke up with him.

Those things that I experienced are the reasons why I became an antagonist in every way. Aside from the strong features that I have, I was always the villain in every drama that my school was producing. I am used to it besides the acting is very effortless because I was portraying my kinda life story. 

 

The Clara in me.

I had this huge crush on my classmate in elementary since first grade, but he always had a crush on other girls every school year. Dang! So every school year too I had to plot a plan to make the life of the girl miserable. Lets jump on the fifth grade.

  • FIFTH GRADE- Let’s call her Ashley. She was a transferee from Manila and became my neighbor. She was so thin and not pretty. Haha! We became friends. I was true to her until I learned that my crush had a thing for her so I started to become a villain. I taught her a native language ‘Yatot’ and gave her a different meaning. ‘Yatot’ is a Waray-waray term for rat, but I told her that ‘yatot’ means intelligent. She was so proud that she even got up to the platform and shouted at the top of her lungs ‘Yatot akooooooo!!!’ Everybody laughed at her, including me. I was so mean back then. She became the laughing stock. Her cousins got mad at me but the hell I care! haha!
  • SIXTH GRADE- Let’s call her Sam. She was a transferee again. Duh? He always had a thing for transferees. She was way prettier than me and a Mathematics buff. She has this really curly hair and deep-seated eyes that I thought everybody likes. My crush, err all of the boys in our batch liked her since the first day of class. First plan, I let her sign my slum note to know more about her and I found out that she is a year older than us. A repeater. Voila! Weak point. I told everybody about what I found out but nobody cared. Second plan, I was so observant with her answers during recitations and whenever she made a mistake I always correct her. Third Plan, she joined the Drums and Lyre Corp as a minorette. And the thing is, I was the school’s majorette. So I gave her a living hell during practice. I put her under the sun for so many hours, bully her and asked her to give 20 pumping exercise whenever she made a mistake. I wanted her to give up. Fourth plan, I was elected as the class’ President so as a newly elected leader I had to be the person in charge of the election. I sabotaged my friends to nominate my crush as a Senator so he would not be the Escort because for sure Sam would be the muse. And I was right! Ü My crush was nominated for the Escort position, but I disqualified him because he already won as Senator. )

Latest.

I confronted one of my room mates way back 2009 because I was late for work. Why? I hardly sleep the night before because she didn’t turn the lights off. I thought she was studying, but to my dismay she was just playing Plants Vs Zombies! When I met her the next day I confronted her and told her lies that I got memo from HR Dept. She looked pale. haha!

My boyfriend and I were on our way home when the driver of the jeepney that we were riding suddenly stepped on the brake, so I was shocked and shouted ‘Ay Syete!’ out of fright. Then suddenly I heard the two girls laughing at me. No, they were sort of mocking me. So I turned to them with raising left eyebrow and told them, “Anong nakakatawa?”. The girls silenced their shitty mouth.

My boyfriend and I (again hehe) was in this gadget-accessories store when Clara Del Valle spirit took over me again. The saleslady was kinda mataray eh. She did’nt believe us that we were next in line, she just passed us by, so I told her, “Ay ate nakakainsulto ka naman”. Out of shame she entertained us.

While buying an earbuds, I told her to let us test it, she did, but she just inserted the earbud into computer and tested it by herself tapos sabi niya okay na agad. Duh?! I raised my eyebrows. Nagmamadali? Nagmamadali? May meeting???? It shoud be us who should test it because we were the one buying it. Ayun napahiya siya because I stared at her for like one minute. Haha!

The latest person that I don’t like is Hannah (not her true name). She is just a
newbie but she’s acting like she is a part of the team for a long time, and I hate that part. She always interrupts, crack a joke, Miss-Know-It-All, Fashionista daw, and everything. I hate it when everybody laughs at her corny lines. My boyfriend said maybe I am just jealous. Why would I get jealous? I’m way prettier than her, I have a fair, smooth skin, bedroom voice, I’m smart and talented than her. She is a brainy, while I’m brains with beauty. I’m a packaged type of girl, whiles she’s not. Ha! I just hope she shut the fuck up even just for a day. I hate hearing her voice, so irritating!

Wala lang. I just have the attitude of not liking the person even if  he doesn’t do anything bad to me. I don’t hate the person, I just don’t like him.

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This article points out that each of us has it’s own reason why we end up being a bitch. Maybe we were hurt before so we don’t have a choice but to be a fighter even if it means being bad on the eyes of everyone.